DISCONCERTING THINGS I SAY/DO

Always a bridesmaid.
  1. Put my windshield wipers on as I drive when it's not raining.
    My very own red hunting hat.
  2. Announce "why did it take you so long to find me" as I walk into my house alone.
    Just incase there is an intruder waiting for me, I don't want them to think they caught me off guard.
  3. Take 8 tequila shots in a row before doing something I want to do.
  4. Take 8 tequila shots in a row before doing something I don't want to do.
  5. Wonder how many people I am driving next to on the highway that could potentially be a kidnapper and have their victim in the trunk.
  6. Call myself a feminist while simultaneously listening to "Sorry" by Justin Bieber 24/7.
  7. When I walk into a scenario with new people I immediately scan the room, decide who would be most likely to attempt murder, and befriend them to raise my chances of staying alive.