THINGS I ASSUME ABOUT CELEBRITIES

  1. Stephen Colbert has family game night every Sunday.
    Stephen and his wife look longingly at each other as their children playfully insult one another during a heated game of Scrabble. He thinks to write it into one of his shows as a bit, but decides these moments are better tasted off-camera.
  2. Barack and Michelle compete with one another using their Fitbits.
    Barack always wins, but Michelle looks better doing it.
  3. Gwyneth Paltrow's water must be a certain temperature before she drinks it or feeds it to her dog.
    "Tap water is for poor people"
  4. @mindy remedies a hangover by wearing sunglasses (inside) the whole next day.
    She also watches reruns of The Office, while she and @bjnovak text back and fourth adoringly teasing one another about their old haircuts.
  5. Bill Murray watches Full House.
    He always acts disgruntled and peeved when one of his kids suggests it, but secretly loves it because Stephanie Tanner is plucky and self-aware.
  6. Quentin Tarantino loves to fold laundry.
    One minute he's all "Kill Bill" and the next he is adoringly shaking his head that his wife still thinks gray goes with the whites!
  7. Justin Bieber cries during sex.