Per request.
  1. Be fat.
    And dare to not hating yourself for it.
  2. Be thin.
    In the wrong places.
  3. Be black.
  4. Be brown.
    Exceptions may be made for spray-tans
  5. Get old.
  6. Talk too much.
  7. Talk too little.
  8. Wear too much.
    What is that on your head? You some kind of a terrorist?
  9. Wear too little.
  10. Fuck on the first date.
  11. Don't fuck on the first date.
  12. Don't see yourself through their eyes.
    They just want you to be happy. If only you could see that.
  13. Don't give a fuck if they like it.
    Uppity bitch.