Story Time: My crazy clients
For the sake of this post we'll call them Brian and Nancy Smith and their two little yappy dogs, Bella and Max, because those names a generic AF
- 1.Nancyblonde, VERY skinny, 75% plastic, former trophy wife now in her late 50s with a thick Jersey accent. Splits her time between Florida, New Jersey, and Charlotte.
- 2.Brian60s, severely overweight, thick jersey accent, feels the need to tell you he's a lawyer every time he comes in
- 3.Visit 1It starts with Nancy coming in to get Max and Bella caught up on preventative care (vaccines, deworming, blah blah blah). She notices my engagement ring and asks when I'm getting married and then says "Well honey, if you need any weight loss advice just let me know". Y'all this women is BLESSED that she said that to me while I was at work.
- 4.Visit 2She drops her dogs off for a routine dental cleaning & some extractions. She insists I put the dogs in the same kennel (obvi I cant do that for so many reasons, but I tell her sure so she stops), I tell her I'll call with an est for extractions once we get in & see what's going on so make sure you have your phone on you. She says "if I don't answer, I give full authorization to pull anything necessary". Y'all this woman essentially wrote me a blank check for extractions on 2 dogs. That's insane!
- 5.Visit 2 (cont.)She calls every 30 min to check on them for 3 hours and then nothing. No answer. Complete radio silence. We pull all the teeth and call again. Nothing. Eventually she comes in to pick up HIGH OFF HER ASS. I mean she's totally gone. She takes her dogs and on her way out holds my hand and CRIES about how much she loves me and appreciates me for like 5 min straight. Fucking weird y'all.
- 6.Visit 3So she schedules an appointment for ONE dog. She and Brian show up 90 min late with TWO dogs and are FURIOUS that they have to wait. Like...PISSED and incredibly rude to our staff. While they're waiting they get into a fight in the exam room with the door open yelling at each other dropping "fucks" and "C**ts" like no other. For 2 hours we deal with this and apologize to other clients until we can get them out of our hospital.
- 7.Visit 4They come in for a health certificate so they can get their dogs on a plane. For a HC we have to put the exact address of where you are going, you are not getting on a plane w/out them knowing where you're going, end of story. When asked, Nancy says "The Hyatt". That's it. When pushed to be more specific she is pissed I guess that we're so dumb we don't know THE Hyatt??? "Ugh you know the Hyatt. The one on 5th?" That's clearly all we're getting so we have to google that shit & hope for the best.
- 8.Visit 5More of the same. They come in, they're rude, they fight, cause a scene, they leave.
- 9.Visit 6 (today)They come in for an Italian HC (which is the longest and most complicated HC I've ever done btw). Brian comes in 30 min early, is mad he has to wait, mad the certificate isn't already done, mad at us for the Italian governments requirements, brags about how his Italian is very good and btw he's a lawyer 🙄.
- 10.Visit 6Fast forward to his wife meeting him there. They're rude, they fight, they cause a scene except this time HE LEAVES HER ASS THERE. Legit you guys, he got in the car and left her and the dogs at our hospital with no car and no cash. She loses her GD mind and is in and out of our store screaming at him on the phone about the "shit storm that will rain down on him" for 2 HRS! Comes in and asks me for a ride home (um no I'm working and you're crazy), calls a taxi and yells some more then leaves.
- 11.I swear to God you guys I can't make this shit up. The best part of today is that they're going to Italy for two months. By the time they come back my ass will have moved to LA already. I never have to see them ever again 🙌🏻.
- 12.Omg did I mention that this woman is convinced she's my favorite client?!? My actual favorite client and I think that's hilarious.