An Important Note re: Public Restrooms

  1. You go to a public restroom and pull a tissue paper toilet seat cover out of the dispenser. But it rips, so you keep trying.
  2. You finally get one that is not ripped and then realize that you actually have to rip it to get the middle part out. You rip too much and have to start over.
  3. You finally get one that is ripped but not too ripped and place it on the seat. The middle part falls and rests on the surface of the water.
  4. The water begins slowly to climb the tissue paper like a lit fuse leading to your bomb.
  5. You don't have much time. Seated, you flush for background noise and give one giant push.
  6. Wipe. Stand. Tissue paper is stuck to your leg sweat. Don't stand up all the way or you'll pull the fuse from the water and drip onto your pants.
  7. With two fingers, in a single motion, you peel the tissue paper from your leg and drop it into the toilet. Or at least that was your intention.
  8. The tissue paper is half out/half in the toilet. A good flush should pull it down.
  9. You flush. Why are you here? What is the meaning of life?