IN MY HEAD IM ALL LIKE...

i have a draft folder in my notes called 'whatsup' and its random thoughts n stuff . i suppose i intended to gear these into tweets, but i knew if i held out, there'd be a new social platform for em. look at us now!!
  1. just bc you don't post them doesn't mean i don't think you take a ton of selfies
  2. the word 'assimilate' out of context makes me think weird things
  3. i did a phone interview the other day entirely naked
  4. just got a haircut and bought new clothes, guess i gotta interact w people now so this doesn't go to waste
  5. i really enjoy sneezing. it's like a face orgasm
  6. you ever wonder what's going on w your life and why we're here and shark tanks on tonight
  7. uchh, I have to go outside. i hope there isn't a mass shooting
  8. my computers acting like a little bitch but it's all i have
  9. id rather be watching Bowfinger
  10. sleep is the only thing preventing me from looking at screens
  11. i waste so much time drinking water and peeing. what's the fucking point?
  12. ill try anything a lot of times
  13. if i actually flipped over every table i pretend to flip over, there would be a mess in every room ive ever been in
  14. shout out to there only being two 'world wars'
  15. whenever i see a peaceful old man, all i could think about are the horrible things he must've done when he was younger
  16. i get water fountains, but like why aren't there meal fountains