Used Car Sales Tactics

How I imagine the salesman attempting to sell my '96 used dodge stratus
  1. Torn seats? Yeah less pleather, for the environmentally conscious.
  2. Too much rust on the exterior? Sorry I didn't know you were uninterested in American steel breathing too much freedom oxygen
  3. We've misplaced the title but I'm 99.9% confident Will Ferrel was the previous owner.
  4. Yeah it only plays cassettes, I would argue that's trendier. 90s are back.
  5. 220,000 miles is nothing. I owned the exact same model of this car. That baby was going for 400,000+ miles before a museum purchased the car from me as a collectors item.
  6. Cracked windshield? Demands more attention to the road. I thought you were interested in safety features.