Better Okcupid Questions

Okcupid uses a series of questions to determine how well you match with potential partners. These are the questions they should be asking.
  1. 1.
    How much student loan debt are you in? Vice President of sales doesn't sound as good when you owe Carnegie Mellon 400 grand. Also, if you owe anyone hundreds of thousands of dollars, you are technically homeless, which is a huge red flag.
  2. 2.
    How many times have you been to Burning Man? This is a trick question. If you've been to Burning Man multiple times, you'll say something like "Space and time don't even exist, mannnnn. They're just man made constructs, mannnn." Red flag.
  3. 3.
    How often do you go to Red Lobster? If your answer is once a month or more, that's a red flag because it means you think it's a "nice" restaurant for a date. If your answer is never, you're an elitist and or you hate Black people.
  4. 4.
    How often do you smell like patchouli? This is a trick question. The only acceptable answer is never. Patchouli smells awful. It should only be used when you're going camping and need you need to keep bears away from your camp.
  5. 5.
    Do you have an unnecessary "y" in your name? Related questions: if it's Eryka with a "y", when did you start your homemade organic juice business? How many times have you been to Burning Man? How strongly do you smell like patchouli? Why do you only date dudes who take you to Red Lobster?