THINGS RAPPERS HAVE BRAGGED ABOUT IN SONGS THAT AREN'T REALLY BRAG-WORTHY

An ongoing listicle
  1. A three-story house
    In "I Don't Fuck with You" Big Sean brags, "I just bought a crib three stories, that bitch a trilogy." I mean, maybe what he's bragging about here is that he bought the house outright, with cash, and not that fact that it has three levels...
  2. Calamari and crab cakes
    2 Chainz juxtaposes the phrase "calamari, crab cakes" next to the boast "my closet the size of your dad's place" in "Mainstream Ratchet" and yes, saying that the square footage of someone's entire domicile matches that of your closet is a good dig and worthy of a rap brag. But why mention calamari and crab cakes? Are those supposed to be fancy things he's rattling off?? Things you can get at a neighborhood sports bar?? To be honest he probably just stuck them in there for something to rhyme.
  3. Visiting Europe and going shopping
    Rick Ross opens Jay-Z's "FuckWithMeYouKnowIGotIt" with the line "I just landed in Europe, nigga/shoppin' bags, I'm a tourist, nigga". Sure, this one isn't exactly run-of-the-mill everyday middle class, but it kinda is? I certainly don't think Rozay would consider that trip you took with your high school band to Spain to be on par with his galavants to Europe to buy God know what (not shirts, apparently) but being a tourist and going shopping isn't enough to claim baller status.