REASONS WHY I'M SINGLE

🙅🏻
  1. Birding
    Perhaps bird watching isn't as charming/intriguing of a hobby as I think it is
  2. Popcorn consumption habits
    Not only do I shove popcorn into my mouth by the handful, this last time I was eating popcorn straight from the bag and now I somehow have butter on my bed sheets.
  3. First date screenings
    I like to get a feel immediately for the type of people with who I am keeping company. Are you a climate change denier: Y/N?Would you be supportive should the need for an abortion arise: Y/N? Let's get it allllll on the table.
  4. Pre-date investigating (stalking??)
    Perhaps they can tell that I've been 80 weeks deep into their Instagram accounts
  5. Lack of floss
    Do people actually floss? Am I really, actually alone in not flossing? If you even own floss, first, congratulations, and, second, you are a role model.