My most embarrassing moments

Inspired by @jeremysomething and many others. Enjoy!
  1. 1.
    The time I decided to put my gold bracelet on while sitting on the toilet.
    It fell in just after I 💩. 😱😱😱😱
  2. 2.
    The time I caught my neighbor jerking off yet didn't look away very quickly.
    Awkwardly stared like maybe just 2-3 seconds too long.
  3. 3.
    The Halloween where I turned out the lights and hid from trick o treaters because I ate all the candy weeks ago and forgot to buy more.
    Okay maybe this is every Halloween and yes they know I am home!
  4. 4.
    Lulu 🐶 and I both have Instagram accounts but only hers gets likes and followers.
    She has over 400 followers yet she does nothing. No tricks, no singing, no costumes.
  5. 5.
    I continue to let the regular Starbucks barista think my name is Karen for way too long because I am too tired/lazy to correct it and now I have to answer to Karen whenever that name is called to the bar.
    Super awkward when someone who knows me is also waiting for a drink. Or if there is an actual Karen there. This is my Elaine/Susie moment.
  6. 6.
    The time I violently threw up while in an Uber directly into my tote bag. The driver surprisingly said very little.
    Then had to bring the tote bag home! It was from J.Crew!
  7. 7.
    Accidentally bounced a check at my dentist office and they put a photo copy of it in my chart so the doctor could see it every time I had an appointment. I then "borrowed" my chart while no one was looking and threw the copy away.
    In my defense it was from my FSA account and I called them immediately to pay with credit card.
  8. 8.
    I ate Eggo waffles with syrup over my computer keyboard with no plate or napkin and now the keys are stuck.
    I actually still do this and just deal with it.
  9. 9.
    The "Saturday" from my days of the week underwear is... gulp....."missing" and I am too cheap to buy a whole new set.
    They are from Stella McCartney too!
  10. 10.
    I literally just learned what the term "Fluffer" means. Thank you Craig's List and Google.