THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY THAT NO ONE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT

  1. My boss told me he's firing my colleague.
    And he's doing it tomorrow. And he's doing it based on my assessment of her.
  2. I didn't wear a bra.
    And didn't notice until I started running to make my train. I knew there had to be some benefits of small boobs.
  3. My cat escaped.
    Sneaky little bastard snuck out as I was squeezing just my arm out to drop HIS POOP BAG outside to throw it out later.
  4. I canceled a very important meeting
    ... Because my fucking cat escaped. But I of course lied and pretended like something really pressing came up. As if I'm that important. #siliconvalleyattitude
  5. I told a peer I was too busy to "sync on that"
    And proceeded to go to the breakroom to eat five strawberry hi chews.
  6. I went to the Apple Store to get my computer fixed
    Because two days ago I threw it in a big purse which happened to have an old peach in it and it squished all over the ports and now I can't connect to my monitor or Internet. Break your Mac with peach. Tell NO ONE.