THE FIRST DAY OF A NEW JOB
- •Awkwardly walk around until you find the person you interviewed with.
- •Fill out hundreds of pieces of paper without reading them.You probably signed away your first child but who cares, right? Nobody reads the fine print.
- •Awkwardly sit with someone at a desk that is only meant for one person.If you can last 8 hours scrunched up like this you are probably a good fit.
- •Try to get to know your new co-workersWhere did you go to school? Do you have any kids? Do you blow your nose regularly? When is the last time you ate onions because I can smell them on your breath?
- •When someone asks you if you have any questions, think for a moment about how you have no idea what they've been doing for the past 3 hours and say "not right now"
- •Hold your pee all day because you're afraid to ask where the bathroom is.
- •At quitting time jump in your car and immediately call everyone you know to tell them what a fucked up place you're working with."JK they're all amazing. I know they'll all be my BFFs by the end of the week"