JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS AN ADULT

It was proven that I am not
  1. I don't have a wine opener in my house
    But I have one in my purse!
  2. A coworker told me my hair was a "hot mess" today
    I washed it for the first time in 4 days last night
  3. I bought groceries Sunday
    I've eaten out every single meal since
  4. I'm co-hosting a housewarming party
    The invite was sent via Facebook
  5. I woke up an hour early and listened to a podcast
    Still ended up being late to work
  6. I started carpooling to work with my friend!
    We shit-talk the whoooollllllleeeee time
  7. I'm trying to drink more water throughout the day
    Now spending $$$ on la croix because normal water sucks
  8. I pay for DVR
    Still mooch off my sister's HBO go account
  9. I signed up to bring a pie for work's thanksgiving party
    Then complained for days about having to go to the store to pick one up.
  10. I have a bar cart
    Stocked only with a nearly empty bottle of patron. ~Fancy~
  11. I spend the majority of my day at work
    Sneaking peeks at Twitter