LIZ LEMON'S DEALBREAKERS
Teach it like you preach it, Liz Lemon!
- •If your man has seven cell phones but won't give you any of the numbers...That's a dealbreaker!
- •If he wears an Atlanta Falcons jersey to your sister's wedding...That's a dealbreaker, ladies!
- •If he calls out his brother's name during sex...That's a dealbreaker, ladies!
- •If he owns a tanning salon but won't let you tan for free but lets girls he's friends with tan for free so you go to this other tanning salon down the street to try not to make it a thing but you know how there's no secrets in the tanning salon community...This guy is making you talk like a crazy person, you have sexually transmitted crazy mouth - Dealbreaker!
- •If he starts acting really weird ever since he got promoted...Yeah, he thinks he deserves a va-jay-jay upgrade, he doesn't - he's not Tom Brady - shut it down. Dealbreaker!
- •If you're a little...plain, and your fiancée is a beautiful, polished, handsome specimen...Nope. Your fiancée is gay. Look at him. Look at you. Classic case of fruit blindness.
- •If he...Only one snake in the bed! Dealbreaker!
- •If he has a secret credit card you didn't know anything about and he's been using that credit card to pay for a hotel room two days a week...Not on my watch, biatch. S that D - Shut it Down. Dealbreaker!
- •If he refuses to drive to your parents' place for just two weeks of family vacation...No to the Way to the Jose! (But... talk it out before you walk it out.)
- •If you're here and he's back in Hoglanderveen...Long distance is the wrong distance. Dealbreaker!
- •If your man is over 30 and still wears a name tag to work...That's a dealbreaker!
- •If your man collects action figures...Dealbreaker.
- •If he's practicing Jedi moves in Prospect Park and takes you back to his house on the handlebars of his bike...There are actually two different dealbreakers in here, ladies.
- •If your man owns a diamond necklace that says "Open Marriage..."That's a dealbreaker!
- •If your man leaves in boxers and comes home in briefs...That's a dealbreaker, ladies!
- •If he's Sean Avery...That's a dealbreaker, ladies.