STUFF I LIE ABOUT FAIRLY FREQUENTLY
The title of this list may belittle this point, but I truly lie very rarely. But honestly sometimes I do and when I do it's almost exclusively about these things.
- •What time I left the house to meet youI swear I'm five minutes away [plus 10-15]
- •What day I sent you that thing you needed me to sendThat damn post office [that poor post office]
- •What really went down last nightWe just made out! [but also other stuff]
- •If I saw your emailOh, weird, it hasn't come up on my phone yet - oh wait here it is, okay I'll look now [even though I saw it 10 min ago but I'm too tired to deal with you now]
- •If I know [person I'm "supposed" to know that I definitely don't]Hmmmm why does that name sound familiar? [It doesn't.] I'm blanking. [I'm not.]
- •How many beers I had the night before a hangoverAdd 4 to whatever lunacy just came out of my mouth
- •If I've ever tried the really wild, exotic, crazy thing you're trying to make me eatYes I have once and I didn't like it then so I'm off the hook now thanks though [0% chance this is ever true, I take no culinary risk, oh well]
- •That I heard it's "supposed to be nice out this weekend!"Sometimes I just say this as small talk and hope it's true. If it is - wonderful. If it's not - I get to say that maybe the forecast changed and then usually the elevator opens and I'm free
- •That's it though, otherwise I'm really honest but even in these instances, nobody gets hurt and we're all good but also yes it's rude I make people wait so I will try to fix that one all right?