My train of thought while going to get drug tested.

Because I had no idea what I was in for when HR said I had to get a pre-employment screening.
  1. Jesus christ, why did my GPS take me this way when I could have gotten half way here with the route that I take to work?!
  2. Omg idk how to navigate this area and it's so scary please don't let me get shot.
  3. Wtf do you mean there's a detour for EVERY SINGLE ROAD THE GPS TELLS ME TO TURN ON???
  4. WHERE DO I GO?!?!?!
  5. Okay, this is starting to look familiar.
  6. Please don't run me over when I have to cut you off because the GPS didn't tell me the clinic is on the left....
  7. OKAY YES I AM HERE NOW WHERE THE FUCK IS THE CORRECT ENTRANCE?
  8. Ugh this place smells somewhere between suffocating addiction and hopeful recovery.
  9. I wonder how many people are here for work related drug tests or legal related drug tests...
  10. Okay, seriously, a clinic waiting room is no place to have a heated conversation with your cellphone provider customer service.
    As she continues to scream at the phone representative...
  11. Wow, you sound like a dumb bitch and I'm amused you got ripped off.
  12. I wonder if Jim (my old clinic supervisor) is here somewhere...
    Probably not though because he works on the counseling side of the building 🙁
  13. What if I can't produce enough pee?
  14. OH SHIT. It's my turn!
  15. Wait a minute, there's no sink in this bathroom...what if I get pee on my hands and can't wash it off?!
  16. Ugh okay try not to pee all over yourself.
  17. Okay is this enough? WAIT. He said to the top line of the cup and now the top line has disappeared!
  18. And now the toilet won't fucking flush. GREAT, JUST GREAT.
  19. What's that you say? The toilet is locked so it won't flush until you collect my sample...
  20. The doctor probably thinks I'm a big dumb idiot.
  21. This is my first drug test. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK.
  22. And you're right, doctor. It won't be my last one.
  23. OMG YES A SINK PLEASE LET ME WASH MY HANDS.
  24. Done? Okay, cool.
  25. Just take the job offer back because I never want to be subjected to this process again.
  26. Also, I'm totally writing an email to Jim first thing to tell him how disgusting it is to not have a sink in the bathroom to wash the pee off your hands immediately.