1. I will choke and die eating noodles (angel hair pasta is the worst offender).
  2. My friends that live in different cities will die in the week that I haven't been texting them.
  3. My girlfriend died in the 15 minutes that she didn't call me back.
  4. I've been under-tipping at restaurants my whole life and no one told me.
  5. This time that I think I've lost my phone, I've actually lost my phone.