Don't judge me!
  1. Building time machines to travel back to 1988 with the sole purpose of sucking my own six year old penis because I'm a brilliant narcissistic perverted pedophile.
  2. Making up intricate wordy lies for the sheer purpose of Self entertainment.
  3. Placing piles of soggy fecal matter on paper plates in the microwave for a cool 60 seconds so I can confidently declare: "I got the hot shit!"
  4. Telling women "I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for" as a feeble attempt to mislead them of my penis size while subtly letting them know I'm a John Mayer fan.