REASONS I BELIEVE I'M A SUPERHERO

All completely true, because compulsive liars believe they're own lies
  1. My turds wipe themselves on the way out.
  2. I have a t.v. On my forehead and can breathe through my ears.
  3. I once walked on water, it was a spilled bottle on concrete, none the less, it happened!
  4. Every woman I've met falls in love with me, she just doesn't know it.