Now in 10 mundane text messages for easy reading!
  1. "Did u ever check your mailbox lately"
    I don't even know what tense I'm trying to be in, & it wasn't even that late when I sent this. Also, have gotten far too comfortable using texting slang with my close friends.
  2. "I can't wait to see him and his totally average peen in a loincloth"
    regarding Alex Skarsgaard playing Tarzan in the new movie. Probably better with no context at all
  3. "Are you caught up on Survivor"
    I text this to @carpar every week while I'm watching survivor with my grandma. With no punctuation, because I'm too busy strategizing with Woo.
  4. "This is gonna be like when JK Rowling got rejected at every major publisher, or when Back To The Future was passed on by every studio. I will rise up."
    When I felt like a list I was really proud of didn't get the credit it deserved. Yeah, seriously.
  5. "Daniel Craig has truly never been hotter. He was so dumpy."
    💯 Dumpy men 💯
  6. "Is there bath water?"
    I text this to my mom at least 4 times a week. Nothin' worse than going to take a bath and all the hot water is already used by your bathing mother.
  7. "Middle aged white dudes LOVE me. Which he is. I googled him."
    Sent to @mieka re: my impending court date to fight a traffic ticket with a white judge. Who I googled.
  8. "Kramer 💕👄"
    Self explanatory 😬
  9. "Wait I think I left my rings at your house!!"
    Constantly leaving my rings everywhere, constantly worried I will lose them forever.
  10. "Chicken sandwich, waffle fries. If it's not much more for a deluxe you can do that but it's not necessary. With chic Fil a sauce"