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With new app/religion Pokemon Go taking over society, I’m revisiting a tired topic: some people think Nintendo’s been mailing in later gen pokemon. But I say that shitty pokes have been out here since the Original 151.
- •#66 - MachopLook at this guy. Machop is just some human kid who glued cardboard to his scalp, fell into a vat of caulk and decided his only way of coping with this accident was to punch everything everywhere forever. It’s like they had to create a ‘muscly pokemon’ and said ‘well, Jim’s son looked pretty strong running around the company BBQ last week, what if we based it off a little-leaguer?’ I really hope Machops are adopted into human families in the PokeWorld due to both compassion and near-sightedness.
- •#125 - ElectabuzzWe gotta talk about Electabuzz. What the fuck even is this thing? Most Pokemon are at least based off regular animals (which can go wrong, as we’ll see later in this post) but Electabuzz seems like a combination of the Phillie Phanatic, a sloth and a garish paint job. Nowhere in there does it scream ‘seemingly rare electric type!!!' I mean at least Pikachu had a lightning bolt shaped tail. Electabuzz is an off-hue tiger monster with rabbit ears and he should sue Nintendo.
- •#86 - SeelAnd here we have the example of ‘when keepin’ it real goes wrong.’ Seel is literally just that. No innovation here, no improvement on the current Seal Version 1.0, nothin but a pair of cute lil’ tusks. At least later generation pokemon Spheal is a spherical seal. This is just a pinniped, plain and simple.
Every year, the fine folks over at NameOfTheYear.com dredge up and compile the finest names in America. These monikers are then dumped into a bracket and thrown to the unwashed Internet, who votes on the winner. Because the Internet cannot be trusted with anything, we all got it wrong this year. Pope McCorkle III won but these six are all better.
- •BRODARIOUS HAMMFor my money, the best name in the whole dang thing. Off the bat, 'Brodarious' is an incredible given name. It's a create-your-own definition adjective where everything you project it to mean is cool, slick and not unlike Shaft, who I've heard is very cool. The surname speaks for itself. This is a tough-talking hunk of honey-baked and likely the name of my first son.
- •MIGHTY FINEThe name of a summer camp counselor for life. Easy to say, fun to yell triumphantly. Kind of makes you feel like Ace Ventura and/or The Mask you say it while grinning really hard.
- •BILLIE-JO SKELETONThis is the name of a character in a children's book that takes place in "Halloweenland." That alone should've rocketed it to the top. And then you're given BILLIE-JO. Make all the Green Day jokes you want but give me two first names, hyphened and arguably misspelled and you have my heart.
I've actually learned a lot of works history from Civilization... And now you can too! Plus, @helytimes said we need more strictly informational lists.
- •Mausoleum of HalicarnassusThis enormous tomb now lies in ruins but it was originally built as a final resting place for the ruler Mausolus. It was so revered and influential that his name was given to all subsequent above ground graves. Location: Bodrum, Turkey / Date completed: 351 BC
- •PetraThis beautiful and winding desert city is carved into rose-colored mountains and features a hail of bullet holes on its main ruin, the Treasury; souvenirs from Bedouin tribes convinced there was mythic golden treasure inside. Location: Ma'an Governorate, Jordan / Date completed: 5th century BC
- •BorobudurUniquely situated between two volcanoes and two rivers, this gigantic Buddhist temple was buried beneath ash and covered by jungle for nearly 700 years before it was rediscovered in the 1800s. Location: Magelang, Indonesia / Date completed: 9th century
- •This dude
- •This fuckin guy
- •This very sick Algernon