There's Bad Pokemon Design in the Original 151 Too
With new app/religion Pokemon Go taking over society, I’m revisiting a tired topic: some people think Nintendo’s been mailing in later gen pokemon. But I say that shitty pokes have been out here since the Original 151.
- •#66 - MachopLook at this guy. Machop is just some human kid who glued cardboard to his scalp, fell into a vat of caulk and decided his only way of coping with this accident was to punch everything everywhere forever. It’s like they had to create a ‘muscly pokemon’ and said ‘well, Jim’s son looked pretty strong running around the company BBQ last week, what if we based it off a little-leaguer?’ I really hope Machops are adopted into human families in the PokeWorld due to both compassion and near-sightedness.
- •#125 - ElectabuzzWe gotta talk about Electabuzz. What the fuck even is this thing? Most Pokemon are at least based off regular animals (which can go wrong, as we’ll see later in this post) but Electabuzz seems like a combination of the Phillie Phanatic, a sloth and a garish paint job. Nowhere in there does it scream ‘seemingly rare electric type!!!' I mean at least Pikachu had a lightning bolt shaped tail. Electabuzz is an off-hue tiger monster with rabbit ears and he should sue Nintendo.
- •#86 - SeelAnd here we have the example of ‘when keepin’ it real goes wrong.’ Seel is literally just that. No innovation here, no improvement on the current Seal Version 1.0, nothin but a pair of cute lil’ tusks. At least later generation pokemon Spheal is a spherical seal. This is just a pinniped, plain and simple.
- •#100 Voltorb & #101 ElectrodeSo these two are just malfunctioning pokeballs. Voltorb and Electrode each have a propensity to explode in battle, obviously, because pokeballs have tractor beam generators and pokehabitats packed in two damn inches of circumference. You just know that one day, some scientist accidentally blew up a pokeball and panicked. “No look, they have faces!” he yelped as he shoved a Sharpie in his back pocket. “It attacked me! Um and I named it VOLT-ORB!”
- •#88 Grimer & #89 MukNow these two related puddles of waste can be directly blamed on humans. It’s not their fault they were created by the global machine polluting the world to hell until sentience emerged in the form of a spilled barrel of oil. I mean, look at the damn Pokedex entry for Muk: “Thickly covered with a filthy, vile sludge. It is so toxic, even its footprints contain poison. Smells so awful, it can cause fainting. Through degeneration, it lost its sense of smell.” That’s some heavy shit, Nintendo.