I JOINED TINDER

  1. Apparently this is popular now?
  2. I feel sorry for all the people who try to instigate conversation with me; I am way too shy to talk to a stranger!
  3. There is a vague but identifiable subset of people who put really serious motivational quotes in their profiles, "whatever you want to achieve, you can. Determination, hard work, and perseverance are your tools and passion is your profession"
    I made that one up. Do these people self-select for each other? Because I am not buying what they are selling
  4. Every Cape Town profile includes an outdoorsy picture from Table Mountain
    How many of these people hiked and how many took the cable car?
  5. There are also a really improbable number of photos of people covered in colorful dust
    Is colorful dust the new dub step? Being sprayed with colorful dust sounds unpleasant. I have an entire list of questions about colorful dust parties.
  6. I learned that I am intimidated by and unattracted to extremely-coiffed hair
    Or hair that is tall, or dyed, or doing anything other than sitting boringly on top of my head
  7. Is this why people take so many selfies?
    I could never figure out the purpose. So many curated selfies.
  8. Looking sexy = looking desperate
    But maybe they are laughing all the way to the bank
  9. African children are still exploited shamelessly
    If only I had a dollar a day
  10. Shared interests appear to be labeled as giant blue question marks
    So glad you are into [insert esoteric thing]
  11. I am pretty sure I will never meet anyone this way.
    But it is a fun game, and cheaper than that time I tried to win Pocket Planes