SO YOU WANT TO MAKE A FUCKING ROSÉ

You narcissistic bastard.
  1. 1.
    Grow some grapes
    You can make rosé from many different red grapes. Opinions abound as to why certain varieties are better suited to rosé than others. Grapes that impart colour slowly are beneficial. Grenache, Pinot noir, Mourvèdre, and I'm sure a million others fall into this camp. I use Mourvèdre, because it's traditional to Provence which for me is the ideological home of rosé.
  2. 2.
    Harvest grapes
    Harvest analysis should be more like a white wine, i.e. 21-23 deg. Balling, with good acidity and fresh flavours.
  3. 3.
    Don't cheat
    Worth noting that this list is for a traditional method rosé, not a Saignée method or worse, the cheater method. For Saignée you would actually harvest like a red wine, then bleed off juice forming the rosé. Cheater method entails blending white and red wine and is for losers. French people ~love~ to fight about which method is the most inferior.
  4. 4.
    After sorting and crushing grapes, fill your press and leave the crushed grapes in the press for some period of time
    How long exactly is the hard part. Depends on the variety, ripeness, vintage, etc. etc. For my rosé, the ideal colour is achieved with about 1hr45min on the skins. Now sign this non-disclosure agreement.
  5. 5.
    Panic repeatedly
    The juice that comes out of the press will be a variety of weird colours that have little to no relationship to the final, finished colour. Pace back and forth for several hours during pressing and generally feel like you may have ruined it.
  6. 6.
    Settle overnight
  7. 7.
    Rack off gross lees
    Aim for a fermentation NTU of 100-200 depending on style. Rozay is supposed to be sexy, so keep it clean.
  8. 8.
    Ferment until dry at 13-15 deg. C
  9. 9.
    Rack off fermentation lees
  10. 10.
    Protein stabilize
    I guess the natural wine crowd can skip this step and enjoy a soup of chunky flotsam in their wine when left in the sun.
  11. 11.
    Fine for clarity and brilliance
    I prefer Isinglass for high end white wines are rosé. It gives a brilliant colour and does not strip the aroma or flavour of the wine as much as some other finings.
  12. 12.
    Filter
    Since the wine will probably not have gone through malolactic fermentation you will want to be safe and keep it tight
  13. 13.
    Panic again
    WTF rosé, how do you change colour every time I do anything? Darker, lighter, pinker, redder. I am starting to hate you. No, I didn't mean that. I am sorry, that was brash. You are delicious.
  14. 14.
    Adjust pre-bottling SO2
    For relaxing times, make it below 100ppm total
  15. 15.
    More panic
    At this point you have nightmares about bitchy gays talking shit about the colour of your rozay. You have purchased a Pantone colour chart and have hundreds of nearly identical swatches on your desk. That the colour now is out of your control does not cause the panic to stop. You should probably seek professional help.
  16. 16.
    Bottle
    By now you have resigned yourself to floating forward in the impenetrable cloud of life, propelled not by volition but by a litany of unconscious decisions, the infinity of randomness, and by yearning to find meaning in a void.
  17. 17.
    Be henceforth unable to enjoy rosé
    Is it periwinkle or salmon? Isn't this colour a bit dark? What an insipid wine. These are the thoughts you will now have every time you see an imperfect rosé, which is most. Hooray!