THE WINE I'M STILL WORKING ON
Pretty sure I already sold a pallet to New York based on this list alone. Prepayment only.
- •Vegan (of course)Each bunch will be gently shaken by a locally-sourced shaman to remove any spiders or insects
- •Made by a transgender winemakerWomen winemakers are regressive. Bonus points if they are previously disadvantaged.
- •OrganicDon't worry about copper poisoning: it's organic!
- •Naturally fermentedInside a biohazard containment unit; mustn't let any human-selected yeasts ferment my human-selected grape varieties
- •Wine of origin ThurkmenhbashiNo one can pronounce where it's from, so it must be good... (BTW you're saying it wrong)
- •BiodynamicHarvested by moonlight because the moon rays impart astrality
- •TurbidClear, brilliant wines are for sissies
- •Sold in repurposed goat bladdersBottles are bourgeois