WHEN I WILL LOOSE MY SHIT WITH YOU, GUEST

I try to be a cool operator. Sometimes I loose my shit. The causes are various.
  1. When you demand to be reseated to a table approximately six feet away because it's less windy over there
  2. When you ask for a modification to dish and then describe in minute detail an entirely different dish that we do not have the ingredients or know how to make and comes from a food culture that is not represented at our restaurant at all
  3. When your kid develops a pathological need to re-landscape my garden
  4. When your tiny dog goes bezerk and tries to bite this guy out of nowhere
  5. When you call me a liar for saying that the fish is Kingklip after reviewing our purchase records and inspecting an uncooked piece of the fish
  6. When you preface your complaint about the coffee by a lengthy explanation of how knowledgeable you are about coffee
  7. Or when your complaint includes the aside, "you know, I've eaten in many seven star restaurants" (which I did not know was a thing)
  8. When you get viscerally angry that I do not have the ingredients, equipment, or desire to make an alcoholic milkshake for you