What I do on social media

Social media is cool, here's how I use it:
  1. I make hilarious or meaningful or awesome lists that nobody reads. Lol. I'm still new. I'll edit once I figure it out.
  2. Snapchat
    I take videos and pics of my kid being cute or crying. And play with filters. Get snaps from my friends and think "haha. That's funny." Look at peoples' stories and think "wow, they go out drinking a lot", "look at them doing stuff while I play with my kid", "don't people work?" Things like that.
  3. Pinterest
    Get lost in an endless sea of awesome. "I should make that. Oh, I should get one of those, hahahahahahahahaha, that's a good idea, ohhhhh, more than 3 steps? I'm out, if only I had antique windows laying around I could make such cool stuff!, I wish someone would make this for me, I'm gonna start a board called "someone make this for me" then hopefully someone will. Oh shit it's 3am"
  4. Instagram
    Post pics of my cute kid. Look through my feed. Think "enough with the selfies! Do you only post pics of your kid!?!? Oh wait, that's what I do. People are still posting pics of their food? Ohhh, pretty. Boring! Hey, why wasn't I invited?"
  5. Facebook
    Post pics of my cute kid (actually I just push them to FB from Instagram). Scroll through my feed thinking "why am I looking at this? This is boring. I haven't even seen most of these people in 20 years. Yep, keep posting about how in love you are, I'll give you another 6 months before I see a relationship status change. No one cares, why are you posting that? My kid is way cuter than that kid. Alright, fuck this"
  6. Twitter
    Type in name of company or organization I'm angry with. Tweet at them about it. Then wait.
  7. LinkedIn
    People that I work with endorse me, I endorse them back. Check out who viewed my profile. Wonder why they viewed my profile.
  8. Imgur
    Never post, just look through pics and mostly laugh.
  9. Vine
    Make a hilarious video hardly anyone watches, watch the popular videos. Scroll. Scroll. Hahahaha. Scroll. That's getting old. Scroll. I'm too old for this.
  10. YouTube
    Put on videos to distract my kid while I try to make dinner. That's it.