THOUGHTS I HAVE HAD SINCE BECOMING A FATHER NINE DAYS AGO

  1. They tell me she will get larger and wtf science why are y'all not working towards the prevention of offspring embiggenness? Why should I have to lose my tiny cuddle buddy?
  2. I assume that your hands are disgusting so yeah gonna pass on you touching her.
  3. Carrying her in her car seat while wearing her diaper bag on my back is, far and away, the badassiest I've ever felt.
  4. Yeah, I could kill someone if they hurt her.
  5. I like to think I'd regret it after but tbh I don't think I would.
  6. I can't wait to have a conversation with her.
  7. I'm amazed at how good I'm getting at doing tasks one-handed.
  8. I was created to swaddle.
  9. How does she smell so good always?
  10. I mean, she's a poop factory for crying out loud and she STILL smells that good.
  11. Ok but when do I introduce her to Star Wars? and in what order?
  12. I'm in love I'm in love and I don't care who knows it!