Headlines I Want to See in 2017

Unrealistic news headlines for 2017
  1. THE CLEVELAND INDIANS AND THE WASHINGTON REDSKINS ADMIT THEIR MASCOTS ARE RACIST AND IMPLEMENT NAME CHANGES
    They will now be called the Cleveland Corgis and the Washington Wookies
  2. STARBUCKS TO OFFER ALMOND MILK SUBSTITUTION FOR FREE
  3. WORLD'S FIRST FLYING DOG IS BORN
    BORN! NOT EXPERIMENTALLY MADE BUT MAGICALLY BORN
  4. APPLE NOW OFFERING PRODUCTS AT REASONABLE PRICES
    ((LOL))
  5. YOU NOW DON'T HAVE TO WAIT A YEAR FOR PAPERBACK VERSIONS OF BOOKS!
    Paperback version to be available as soon as the book is released!
  6. REPUBLICAN RUN CONGRESS ADMITS CLIMATE CHANGE IS A SERIOUS THREAT AND BEGINS TO PASS MORE LAWS TO PROTECT THE EARTH
    ((This is the most unrealistic of all))