My Realistic Resume

Wish I could be up front with the job market about my true skillz but I just don't know if the world is ready for that kind of realness yet
  1. Can help you think of that word you're trying to think of, nearly 100% success rate
  2. Can completely zone out of physical surroundings into a mental space for as long as necessary
  3. Can work in solitude... Forever
  4. Can not talk to humans... Forever
  5. Pretty good at chalkboard hand lettering
  6. Finds free snacks always
  7. Can make friends with most animals
  8. Pops off big words like nobody's business
  9. Can decipher a room's social dynamic v astutely
  10. Punk as shit
  11. Good at writing, painting, and playing guitar/piano by ear
  12. Hire me to job?