OUR HOME-FOR-THE-HOLIDAYS ELEVEN-HOUR ROAD TRIP WITH 6-YEAR-OLD AND DOG

By the hour.
  1. 7:30am Yay!!! Exciting! On the road! Wait. Stop at Starbucks.
  2. 8:30am Listening to old hiphop on Sirius; child watching movies; dog sleeping
  3. 9:30am 80s station. Child hungry for second breakfast. Dog sleeping.
  4. 10:30am Child eating McGriddle egg and cheese while I try to pretend I'm not feeding her that food. The dog watching and praying for McGriddle egg and cheese. More Backspin. Reading magazines and making fun of Christmas gifts like $1500 pink houndstooth cashmere throws. Cross first state line. First "Are we almost there?"
  5. 11:30am North Carolina. Stop at adorable beloved store to give everyone a break.
  6. 12:30pm North Carolina. Gas refill. Chick-Fil-A!
  7. 1:30pm North Carolina. Rest station for 10 minute break to run dog and child.
  8. 2:30pm North Caro-fucking-lina.
  9. 3:30pm South Carolina peach! Dog giving death stares. Child nearly done with every packed item. She is now watching Inside Out in Spanish.
  10. 4:30pm We suspect a mutiny may be underway, so should this be my last note, I love you all. Also: Georgia
  11. 5:30pm Christmas cookies that were for family now being distributed. Feeding dog tons of treat bribes. Christmas carols on Sirius walking the line between forced fun and holiday spirit.
  12. 6:30pm The end is nigh. Driving on rural Georgia roads. In the dark. Twenty more minutes. Dog has had it. Child can only say "are we there yet?" on repeat. Husband white knuckles.
  13. 6:50pm Bosom of family.