THINGS I HOPE MY 40 YEAR OLD SELF WOULD SAY TO MY CURRENT SELF

  1. You got through college without burning it all to the ground.
    Seeming less and less and likely.
  2. Barely anyone gets personally offended when you tell them you don't like chi-fil-a anymore.
    Seriously people get so mad at me for this.
  3. You'll totally understand why you had to go through this break up.
  4. Your dog's still alive and kickin.
    154 years old. Not bad for a dog who's name is "Yolo".
  5. The conspiracy theory about the moon is totally true; the government gave everyone 6 million dollars to make up for lying.
  6. Nicolas Cage actually stole the Declaration of Independence and there was actually a treasure map on the back.
    Best case scenario of any given situation.
  7. You have six kids and you don't hate any of them.
    I want a bunch of kids but I'm worried that I'll think they're idiots.
  8. That Amish kid who called you ugly at that family reunion went on Survivor and got voted off first.
    The ultimate shame.
  9. You went on Survivor and plotted the whole thing.
  10. Nobody remembers that time you obviously cried at that meeting in high school and blamed it on your contacts.