Highlights From Firefly Music Festival

  1. Using a clean port-a-potty is more euphoric than taking drugs
    The key is to steal napkins from the bar
  2. Morrisey sang a song called "Meat is Murder" about slaying animals while playing YouTube clips of slaughterhouses
    Went up to the lead singer of Walk the Moon and told him they should cover that song
  3. Kings of Leon was cancelled because of the weather, not because of their alcoholism
    10 minutes after they were due to perform they made an announcement to 80,000+ drunk fans to return to their tents and vehicles
  4. I'm a hypocrite for crowd surfing because I have a major fear of holding up other crowd surfers
    Always thought security kicks you out once you get to the stage but they put you back into the crowd as long as you're not too drunk
  5. Paul McCartney played for 2+ hours and bowed after every song
    He brought up a fan onstage who had his face tattooed on her arm and he told her "that was me at about 15"