THINGS PEOPLE NOTICE ABOUT ME, FROM FIRST REVELATION ONWARD

  1. "Damn, homegirl's eyebrows are on point."
    (I have no evidence that anyone has ever called me 'homegirl,' but I still like to think it has happened)
  2. "Is she biting her lip because she's into me?"
  3. "She's definitely into me."
  4. "Just kidding, THAT'S a snaggletooth."
  5. "She maybe takes the hipster sweater game a little too far."
    For the record: Not hipster. Not homeless. Just perpetually cold and enjoying my slow transformation into a shapeless, vaguely threatening, blob of wool and polyester.
  6. "Where's your accent from?"
  7. "Okay, she curses a lot."
  8. "Like, A LOT."
  9. "This is someone I should never introduce to my children."
  10. "Funny, though."
  11. (several years after initial introduction) "Wait, is she REALLY only 5'2?"