Better Candy Schemes

Halloween is awesome and all that, but surely there's some better ways to con people out of some free junk food. Submit your best ideas and we will include our faves in the list!
  1. Tell your friends that you're probably going to jail for tax fraud soon and need to stockpile some candy to use as prison currency.
  2. Explain to neighbors that if you collect 1,000,000 Mr. Goodbars, Mr. Goodbar himself will visit the neighborhood and turn everyone's lawn in to chocolate.
  3. You're a paleontologist and chocolate is the right combination of sticky and malleable for rubbing on fossils to remove tiny dirt molecules.
  4. You're a scientist who discovered that gummy candies are the perfect energy conductors for an experiment you CAN'T EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW but trust me it's important!
  5. Threaten to talk their ear off about the installation art you're making with the candy you're collecting.
  6. You have a sick baby sister with "reverse diabetes".
  7. Say your car has a Mr. Fusion garbage-to-fuel reactor like the Delorean in Back to the Future and candy gets better mileage than other less tasty garbage.
  8. Tell them Neil deGrasse Tyson has been following you around and correcting your bad science ideas, and if you throw candy at him you might be able to lose him.
  9. Go door to door explaining that you have a crippling addiction to murdering and narcotic-ing but you are able to keep the wolves at bay by eating full size Snickers.
  10. Catfish neighborhood dads on snapchat, then blackmail them for Mike n Ike's or repost their pics on their wives Facebook.
    Suggested by   @TimothyPizza
  11. For one Snickers bar I can tell you how you are going to die.
    Suggested by   @thechasesmith
  12. Disguise yourself as a piñata.
    Suggested by   @BrendanCain
  13. Collecting Skittles for the first manned Mars mission to send the rainbow into space
    Suggested by   @nix1199
  14. Tell them you are part of the a World Health Organizations's Bacon Confiscation program, and then compromise with candy
    Suggested by   @bjnovak
  15. Trump announced that if the US raised enough funds in 100 Grand Bars, he'd drop out of the race.
    Suggested by   @Nicholas
  16. Follow kids home from the dentist that just got told they had cavities because you know mom will be throwing out all the candy.
    Suggested by   @bunnyhugger75
  17. Say you need candy for a series of Home Alone-esque booby traps that may or may not involve Daniel Stern.
    Suggested by   @Yeahimo
  18. Be stranded on Mars. Wait two years for NASA to crash land a module packed with sweets.
    Suggested by   @shawngarrett
  19. Tell them you're no longer diabetic and you want to celebrate.
    Suggested by   @Nutmeggles