OFFICIAL RANKING OF LATE NIGHT HOSTS I'D STAY UP FOR IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
Let's acknowledge these are all dudes and most of them are white and that is lame.
- •First this pic
- •LOLOkay now down to it
- •Bill MaherWhat is he even doing in this pic? What is he even doing in my fantasies? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Go home Bill. -- Ideal date: he swings by to pick me up, I hide in my kitchen eating Nutella until he leaves. Then I take a bath.
- •James CordenHonestly I'm sorry about this. James is a gem but rankings create losers and that's just life. Also I pretty much hated "Into The Woods" save Meryl. -- Ideal date: group date with a bunch of people we hate, we cling to each other all night but part ways as good friends.
- •Jimmy KimmelNot the hottest Jimmy on this list and I think he knows that. -- Ideal date: I don't even care but it should for sure involve John Krasinski and Emily Blunt.
- •Seth MeyersNormally so my type but he has bored the shit out of me these last few months. Sorry boo, great bone structure. -- Ideal date: we get drinks everyone is impressed with me because my dude is foxy and TBH I like the attention but it's not enough for us.
- •Larry WilmoreThis hurts me because I adore Larry Wilmore. But he's more 🤓 and less 😏 if you know what I mean. -- Ideal date: bowling.
- •Conan O'BrienLove me a tall lanky dude with red hair. He's only this low because the competition is *~fierce~* in this group. -- Ideal date: go for a hike and discover he had packed cheese and crackers in his backpack. We give up on the hike before any big hills.
- •John OliverNerdy British dude who agrees with me on all things? Yes plz. -- Ideal date: seedy bar, great convo, make out in front of my car.
- •Jimmy FallonNo complaints here. Fallon got me all 🔥 -- Ideal date: unforgettable night on the town, I want to go home before him. He gets me home but I can tell he wishes he was still out, I realize it just won't work between us long term.
- •Trevor NoahGod this was SO hard for me. The charm. The accent. The underdog status. So into it. But alas, the pre-fame tweets bother me (although probs not as much as they should because that smile tho). -- Ideal date: he takes us to a poetry reading and then we drink whiskey all night in my apartment and fall asleep on the floor, but then he wakes up and moves me to my king sized bed (the real fantasy here).
- •Stephen ColbertThe beard. Oh my god the beard. Also he is respectful and kind and smart and loves James Taylor as much as I do. -- Ideal date: he just wants to meet my family, like, right away.
- •Honorable mention: Chris HardwickDoes he not count as late night because he's technically early morning? I don't know but I love him for his podcast and jawline. -- Ideal date: he has me on his podcast.