Things I say to my dog like she can understand me.

  1. What do you want?
    She growls at me constantly wanting something.
  2. Oh shit, did I feed you this morning?!
    I really am a good doggie mommy, I swear. Mornings aren't my strength.
  3. Come on, let's order some stuff on Amazon.
  4. Did you potty?
    It's obvious she did, she freaks out like she just won a gold medal but I still ask, every time.
  5. No ma'am! You are not allowed upstairs by yourself!
    She cannot be trusted alone. She's sneaky and smart, I am so proud.
  6. Get a toy! Let's play!
    I am apparently extremely boring as a play mate.
  7. Girl, you are looking gooood today!
    I say this every morning to her when we wake up. She is not lacking in self esteem because of it.