Things I've Always Wanted to Say to People But I Can't So I'll Say It to You

feat. the thing I said instead
  1. "Wow. This is one hundred percent a personal issue but thank you for turning it into something about you!!"
    "No! Don't feel that way! Everyone loves you."
  2. "No."
    "Sure."
  3. "I think you might hate me but are you okay?"
    **Silence**
  4. "How do you still love her, bro???"
    "I'm sorry."
  5. "No, you should definitely feel guilty about that."
    "Yeah! You were just living your life."
  6. "That is the meanest thing I have ever heard anyone say about anyone."
    "You're not wrong."