consider this the ever-growing anthology
  1. Masseuse
    Not sure how to explain this one. I thought I was good at it? When I was ten?
  2. Chiropractor
    This was my fifth grade attempt to make the masseuse job a little classier. I gave this up when I realized that my teacher was going to keep making me explain what it was to my classmates and I didn't ACTUALLY know.
  3. Writer
    "I'm great at this!" My sixth grade self would explain as she looked around at the stacks of mundane, unfinished short stories in her room.
  4. Minister
    Okay let's pretend like this never happened.
  5. Newscaster
    After an eighth grade field trip to CNN, I discovered my true talent: reading from a TelePrompTer.
  6. Lawyer
    I'd seen Law & Order. I could've done this.
  7. President
    "I can totally do that." I smugly said before realizing I can't make any decisions for myself.
  8. Radio Journalist
    "It's like the newscaster thing but I don't have to wear makeup!"
  9. Mindy Kaling
    I stand by this one.