A Guide to not looking like a douche on Tinder (for the fellas)

I finally took a peek to see what this Tinder jazz is all about...so good!
  1. Do not take bathroom selfies
    Really? Do you think urinals, filthy sinks or smeared mirrors look good? Public restrooms are extra nasty
  2. Do not put up your Wedding pic
    We get it, you never looked better but c'mon!
  3. Do not stick your tongue out in a photo
    Who told you that looked good? What is the matter with you?
  4. Do not say "bitch" in your profile
    Common sense man. How on earth would you think that will make someone say, "That guy is so real. I must find out more!"?
  5. Tank tops
    Just stop. Not a good look...especially horizontal stripes.
  6. Motorcycles, holding fish, guns
    Okay you are manly, but is that really a shot of you on a dirt bike? Do you think the Harley you are leaning on makes women say, "That's the One!"? Re: Fish "I caught you a delicious bass." Is the only thing that would be cool (a la Napoleon Dynamite)
  7. Workout selfies
    Puleeze. It's so bad...you are not doing yourself any favors
  8. Towels around torso mirror selfie
    Why? What would your mother say?!?
  9. Tribal tattoo
    Nothing says regret like...
  10. Puppy eyes
    Makes you think they're about to cry or about to have a medical condition.
  11. Don't lie about your age
    Everyone that lies and says they are in their forties, add a decade (not hard to tell). The real forties, we can tell.
  12. Group shots only
    Which one are you? Are you trying to "Gotcha!" People when you reveal yourself?
  13. Celeb photos (stock photos)
    You are not those people, if you think this works, sad.
  14. Action shots (flying, skydiving,etc)
    That's really great, and super happy for you. What an accomplishment. Now, is that what you want someone to think or do you have delusions there is a "Top Gun" fantasy in the making?
  15. All the dogs!
    Dogs are great, and we love them, but how many of the dogs are actually yours? Are you a fraud that has to pose with a cute dog in front of a car at a dealership?
  16. Standing next to scantily clad ladies
    Dafuh? Have you lost your ever loving mind?!? Once again, common sense.
  17. Dark and grainy pictures
    Are you the phantom of the Opera? If not, get your ass out in better lighting. C'mon!
  18. Tigers
    When did this become a thing? Are you trying to say you have the ability to hang with sedated tigers, or are you ready to die? Very confusing, this.
  19. Holding a gun
    You scare me
  20. Rapidly ascending / descending age range
    Are you Benjamin Buttoning or do you think the time you were washing your Trans Am was stone cold awesome and still holds the rest of time?
  21. More to come...