A TALE OF TWO BAD PIES

It's no "The Gift of the Magi", but it happened.
  1. My husband had a lot going on last weekend.
    I was out of town till Sunday evening and he was home with the kids and we got 10 inches of snow on Friday.
  2. When the girls went to bed on Sunday, he had to bake a pumpkin pie for his office Thanksgiving potluck and also do homework.
    He's doing an online masters in structural engineering. Right now he's taking a class called Finite Element Method. Just glancing at his textbook makes me anxious. We have complementary skill sets.
  3. At some point while the pie was baking, he realized that he used unsweetened evaporated milk instead of sweetened condensed milk.
    No sugar in the pie. "I guess it's going to taste like shit," he said.
  4. I felt bad and knew we had enough ingredients for a second pie, so I offered to make a new one.
  5. I'm cruising along with no problems, and I'm halfway through pouring the filling into the pie shell...
    When I realize I have made a mistake.
  6. The filling is thin and the pie tin is flexible.
    How am I going to get this thing into the 425 degree oven without it sloshing over the edge?
  7. I decide that slow and steady wins the race. I decide that pulling out the wire oven rack will help me get the pie in place without burning myself.
    Slow. And. Steady. I've got this.
  8. And I'm calmly bringing the pie down to the wire rack...
    When I realize that I've made a second mistake.
  9. "Where is the oven drip tray?!"
    "It's not in the oven!"
  10. "Okay, just get it on the rack. Slow and steady."
    "Alright, it's on the rack. Nice job!"
  11. And then I give the wire rack a nudge with my oven mitt to move it back into place.
  12. It sticks.
    The rack jerks forward. SPLOOSH. A tidal wave of filling slips over the edge of the crust and splatters onto the boiling hot oven floor. Fuck! It immediately starts bubbling and smoking like crazy.
  13. I turn the hood vent on high and an impressive amount of smoke billows up through the stovetop before getting sucked up by the fan.
    The kitchen smells like burning.
  14. I'm smoking the pie.
    Dammit!
  15. So we wound up with one unsweet pie and one smoky pie with a scorched crust where the liquid spilled over.
    My husband tried to make something nice for his co-workers and I tried to do something nice for him. We both kind of failed, but our hearts were in the right place.
  16. Is sub-par pie better than no pie at all?
    I hope so.
  17. What I learned:
  18. Try not to make a pie after 9pm.
    Post-9pm brain mode: let's fold laundry and catch up on 'Casual.' Multiple steps? On the fly problem solving? 9pm brain has a tough time with this.
  19. Put your pie shell on a baking sheet!
  20. Make sure the trip tray is in the oven!
  21. May all of your Thanksgiving pies be sweet and unburnt.🍁🦃🍂