Things I Want for Christmas...

...That no one will get me
  1. A gun
    I am very anti-gun. But I want one
  2. A motorcycle
    With an American flag stuck on the back.
  3. Mustang convertible
    Apparently this is "unreasonable" for a Chicago winter I disagree
  4. Samurai sword
    I "can't be trusted" with one?? Rude
  5. The open road
    Apparently too abstract for gift-giving
  6. Daryl Dixon as my beau
    Apparently its "impossible" to give me "fictional character"
  7. A lack of judgement at how Americana this list is
    A phase? Maybe
  8. Record player
    Hipster bullshit? Maybe