My (Paranoid) Mother Warned Me Constantly About:
Life according to my childhood. Love you Mom!!
- •Downed powerlinesCOULD. BE. ANYWHERE.
- •MiceThe devil incarnate.
- •Drink milk at all meals and whenever you can get your hands on it during the day.Otherwise your bones will crumble inside your body and you will die an excruciating death.
- •TICKSThis one is so real and I am really very thankful. Deer ticks are not a joke (small black ticks.) The big juicy ones are dog ticks and less dangerous but really scary to pull off of your scalp when you think you're itching a mosquito bite in your hair but then SURPRISE IT FALLS OFF IN YOUR HAND BECAUSE IT'S A LIVING CREATURE GETTING FAT OFF OF YOUR BLOOD.
- •Falling into subway tracks no matter where you are standingListen, someone could fall into you.
- •On sunscreen...Actually, my mother's advice on sunscreen is, "When I was younger I always rubbed baby oil all over my face and body before going to the beach. Don't do that."
- •Falling asleep while chewing gumMore common than you might think, according to Mom.
- •DrivingNow I get in accidents because I'm too cautious. "Oh, you're driving behind be and didn't expect me to stop for that light that turned yellow when I was already partially through it? Ahh well sorry! Technically your fault for rear-ending me... I am also definitely sobbing."