When I'm Pregnant I'm Worried That...

  1. I will be too huge
    So huge that you get to a point where you can't really stand up and there are lots of problems huge
  2. I won't be very big at all
    I WANT A BIG ROUND PREGNANT BELLY WHEN I AM PREGNANT. None of this "look I'm still so small!" Shit.
  3. I will crave pickles
    Okay this one is not a worry. I just know I will crave pickles. I always crave pickles. I want my baby to crave pickles.
  4. I will wear inappropriate clothing
    I already think pregnant women look cute, so I'm definitely going to need to designate a friend to be my reality check. I will need someone to tell me time and time again things like," You do not look cute in that," or "Belly shirts are for teenagers and not in the maternity section," or "You have def passed the size where you can where that sort of thing," or "You are at the muumuu stage," or "No one else thinks pregnant bellies are cute, or likes looking at your pregnant belly. Put it away."
  5. My husband will get sick of rubbing my belly
    I am absolutely 100% going to be one of those freak moms who does whatever the fad of the moment is for her incubating child. Baby Mozart? Bring me those belly headphones. Baby yoga? Ohmmmm. Take my fetus to the aquarium? Sign me up for a season pass. If my husband does not lie next to my belly and coo at it and rub it and tell me how beautiful I am and get to know our child ASAP I'm going to go BATSHIT on him with my pregnant hormones. At least I'm honest?!