THINGS STOLEN FROM ME IN NYC

  1. Cinderblocks
    Yes. Cinderblocks. But to be fair, we may have stolen them in the first place.
  2. A stroller
    This really offended me. Who steals a stroller? You're stealing from a baby for fucks sake!
  3. Change from my car
    Broke the window and stole the change. Left the car seat. Again, stealing from a BABY!
  4. $60 from my back pocket dancing at Bob Bar on Eldridge.
    Fairly certain the hottie I was dancing with stole it.
  5. Beer from the fridge
    This happened a lot.
  6. My fake id.
    My fake id name was Starr with two R's. I didn't realize how pretentious I was back then.
  7. My neighborhood.
    Ultimately, we left Brooklyn. My husband's jeans weren't tight enough and I didn't look good in bangs. Plus, I met a baby named Atomic and I knew our stint was done. RIP Greenpoint.