REASONS DEREK IS THE BEST SOCIAL MEDIA COORDINATOR EVER
My employee Derek Beckno is amazing and is probably the greatest human to have lived since Martin Luther King Jr
- •He can turn bronze into gold. Like Midas. Only he turns emoji into sentences and tweets into works of art.
- •He's a math wizard. One time I saw him open a spreadsheet and it started glowing. The numbers started dancing any glowing at his command.
- •He's also a powerful telepath. One time we had a 400lb box and he looked at it and it immediately relocated itself to the proper location.
- •His real power comes in the ability to read the minds of all Facebook users simultaneously and perfectly disseminate our content into messages they want to hear.
- •He also has a dope wizard beard. All wizards have amazing beards. Gandalf, Dumbledore, Merlin. The list goes on.
- •He works with some awesome people who feed on his awesome aura. You heard correctly, he has an aura. It's golden. Also it smells like fresh baked cookies.
- •He goes on fun filled adventures with his amazing co worker😜
- •Slammin' Racial ambiguity