My employee Derek Beckno is amazing and is probably the greatest human to have lived since Martin Luther King Jr
  1. He can turn bronze into gold. Like Midas. Only he turns emoji into sentences and tweets into works of art.
  2. He's a math wizard. One time I saw him open a spreadsheet and it started glowing. The numbers started dancing any glowing at his command.
  3. He's also a powerful telepath. One time we had a 400lb box and he looked at it and it immediately relocated itself to the proper location.
  4. His real power comes in the ability to read the minds of all Facebook users simultaneously and perfectly disseminate our content into messages they want to hear.
  5. He also has a dope wizard beard. All wizards have amazing beards. Gandalf, Dumbledore, Merlin. The list goes on.
  6. He works with some awesome people who feed on his awesome aura. You heard correctly, he has an aura. It's golden. Also it smells like fresh baked cookies.
  7. He goes on fun filled adventures with his amazing co worker😜
  8. Slammin' Racial ambiguity