Best Brothers (Not Ranked)

Seriously, Franny loves you all equally
  1. 1.
    Bernard, Karl, Richard, Gary, and Carlo. AKA Groucho, Chico, Harpo, Zeppo, and Gummo.
  2. 2.
    Gun-toting 20-something twins Connor and Murphy are called by God to rid Boston of the Russian mob. Plus, they pray in Latin at a time when doing so marked one as a zealot. (Since then, Pope Benedict XVI brought Latin back to mainstream Catholic observance.)
  3. 3.
    You're not dreaming, mes fréres. Spill the wine and dig that girl. Just the right amount of cowbell and funk.
  4. 4.
    Fayard and Harold are the undisputed kings of jazz-era dance. They inspired my love of tap dance, and depressed me too because I knew I could never create the complexity of sound so effortlessly. They played the Cotton Club at ages 11 and 18. Their performance to Cab Calloway's Jumpin' Jive in the movie Stormy Weather is unrivaled. And they never hung up their shoes, teaching master classes at ages when lesser mortals would ride golf carts just to get the mail.
  5. 5.
    Ira and George wrote Porgy and Bess, An American in Paris, and Rhapsody in Blue. Very Nice Boys Israel and Jacob Gershovitz from the Lower East Side. In 1935, they insist upon an all African-American cast for their folk-opera masterpiece at a time when blackface was commonplace. From the Depression to Post-War eras, musical theater and popular music was their bitch. And they loved their mother.
  6. 6.
    Chang and Eng
    Conjoined twins Chang and Eng are, let's call it, "rented" from their parents by Robert Bunker who toured them around the world as a sideshow act in the 1830s. After the tour, the act continues with the brothers managing themselves. In time, they realize the American Dream: quiet lives on a farm they own in NC, marriage to sisters, 21 kids, and slave ownership. Which brings their tale of human exploitation full circle.
  7. 7.
    750 Port Richmond Ave, Staten Island, NY. Go now; they don't deliver. Talk to Phil and tell him Maria's little sister sent you. He'll treat you good.
  8. 8.
    My biological brothers, George, Bernie, and Joe. According to our father's Will, if I don't mention them here, I forfeit my share of the cash in the attic suitcase.