MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS THAT I LOW KEY FEEL GREAT ABOUT.
@jessicaz I know you requested this AGES ago, and I thank you (you're so sweet 💕), but it's just been sitting in my drafts unfinished bc I haven't been able to find the words. At some point, you have to just hit publish. Sorry this is so long!!
- •Graduating with an English degree in writingI wasn't supposed to do this. The whole plan was to be a teacher, because majoring in writing won't get you anywhere and it's a waste of time, or so I was told. But when I realized I wouldn't be happy or good at teaching, I decided to inform my parents that I couldn't continue as an education major. And somehow, maybe because I was so persistent that I'd find a different career, they relented.
- •Quitting publishingEarlier this year, I somehow snagged a job in the tiny ass publishing house where I had done my internship. And I hated it. I thought I wanted to be an editor, so I stuck it out for the five months until I went to NYU (which I was reluctant about) and then I decided no, I don't want to go into publishing at all. Coming home from New York was so hard. I didn't want to leave. But I knew I didn't want to be an editorial assistant making shit money and hating my job either.
- •Living abroadI was proud of myself for studying abroad in England in college, but the true test of self worth and independence was moving to Prague after college. I went with Laurel Ann, so it wasn't TOTALLY independent, but we did all the grown up things (find an apartment, jobs, get phones and internet, etc.) in a country that speaks a different language.
- •Leaving PragueProbably the hardest thing I've ever done. And I have a ton of doubts about whether I should've left when the going got tough after only four months, but when I truly examine myself, I know that I needed to come home and figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Because I wasn't happy teaching and I wasn't happy crying every day about my money situation and the job I hated. I do miss Laurel Ann and that city insanely though.
- •Breaking up with my most recent boyfriendThe one I wrote a ton of lovey-dovey, I'm-so-infatuated lists about in April and May. When I went to NYU, he stopped talking to me. And at first I thought it was the distance, and we just needed to find time to talk more often. But in reality, he'd never been a good boyfriend. He invited me over when he wanted to have sex. He hardly ever asked about my life. He asked to stay with me when I left because he was drunk and truly, he just thought I was hot. I wanted him to be so great that
- •(cont.)I convinced myself he was perfect for me. But when I called him and told him it wasn't working, and he told me that if I ever moved home he'd be into hanging out again, I knew he just wanted someone convenient. Not me. And when I came home, somehow, miraculously, I was strong enough to not call him. And I'm now as single as ever, without so much as a hookup since July. I am so, so proud of myself for not letting my lack of self esteem lead me to another shitty, short lived relationship.