THAT ONE TIME I HAD HEART SURGERY IN 2013

A good story! Thanks for requesting, @Fitz
  1. On my 19th birthday at 2AM I lost my virginity and 8 hours later, I had a physical.
    My mom is rude and thinks it's a good idea to schedule physicals on birthdays bc then we know they happened once a year.
  2. So I'm freaking out in anticipation of that "are you sexually active?" question
  3. I have to answer yes. Scary.
  4. But as my physician is listening to my heartbeat, she gets kind of freaked out? And makes me lay down so she can listen more closely.
  5. (I never got to the sexually active question #blessed)
  6. But she referred me to a cardiologist, which set forth five months' worth of tests
    MRIs, echocardiograms, camera down the throat, ultrasound of my heart
  7. Cue me being the youngest person in the room by 70 years on a weekly basis
  8. So turns out I was born with a hole in my heart! Which isn't terribly uncommon
    It's like 10% of people are born with a hole in their heart? But mine was really big so it's harder to hear (bc it echoes if it's small, which is one version of a murmur)
  9. Instead of getting heart surgery right away, I went to England for five months and then worked in a kitchen for a summer.
    All with the threat of having a stroke if I got a blood clot, bc one side of my heart was doing all the work. But let's face it, that had already been the case for 19 years.
  10. THEN they cracked my sternum in half a week before my 20th birthday (yay 🎉) and fixed the hole and here I am!
  11. Good as new
  12. Except I'll never be very good at physical activity
  13. And my brother claims my heart was three sizes too small and they had to fix it a la Grinch
  14. Or that I have a pig's heart now
  15. But nah I'm a real girl 💯
  16. Oh also I have a sick scar now!!
    Which you can REALLY see in this pic with shrek from a couple halloweens ago ✌️